BiblicalInsights.net

     Drew Pinsky in his book, The Mirror Effect, identifies three parenting styles associated with the development of narcissistic traits.  Let’s consider each one.
     First, there is the blatantly lenient, indulgent and permissive style.  This style is characterized by: too much freedom, blaming others when the child gets into trouble and looking the other way whenever the child acts out (p. 219).  This style is further identified by a lack of interest on the part of the parent in the child.  There is no investment of emotional or physical time with the child.  Also, the parent displays self-interest.  The parent won’t risk second-guessing the child’s behavior because his achievements or career benefits the family.  Parents often teach the child that he is superior to others and entitled to special treatment regardless of his behavior (p. 219).
     Second, there is the enmeshed and manipulative style.  Enmeshed and manipulative parents often see themselves as intensely loving and protective, but, they selfishly undermine their child’s development of an independent sense of self by allowing their identity as a parent to become completely enmeshed in their child’s life (pp. 220-221).
   Third, there is the unloving and strict style.  Narcissism can develop when a child’s sense of self is shaped by a parent who is cold and hard, but nevertheless regards his or her child as gifted or special (p. 223). 
     What are some of the ways narcissism is expressed in teens and young adults? 
     1. Victimizing or bullying.  People with narcissistic personalities who experience social rejection are more aggressive–explaining why some teens are more prone to violence than others. (p. 201).
     2. Hypersexuality. Empty arousal of sexuality.  Use of sex to encourage the teenage inclination to avoid closeness and rely on strategies that help manage emptiness and unpleasant emotion (p. 202).
     3. Body image.  Multiple piercings, tatoos, eating disorders are all signs that a teen is distanced from his or her feelings or emotions (p. 203).  Others: substance abuse, self-mutilation, cutting, aggression, hypersexuality, are all ways teens use to control their emotions. People who employ these behaviors would rather destroy themselves than trust and be vulnerable with another person (p. 204).
     4.  Alcohol or drug abuse.  Normalizing substance abuse by teenagers is a huge mistake (p. 205).  How do we do this?  By saying things like, “Oh, kids will always experiment–that’s what they do.”
     5.  Self-harming/ acting out.  Emotional pain and unregulated emotions produce aggression.  Video game violence, ultimate fighting, and some reality television shows glorify aggression.  Young people mimic these behaviors and act out themselves.